Befriending Our Demons

When the resistance is gone, so is the demon. - Pema Chodron 

Milarepa is one of the lineage holders of the Kagyu lineage of Tibetan Buddhism. He is one of the heroes, one of the brave ones, a very crazy, unusual fellow. He was a loner who lived in caves by himself and meditated wholeheartedly for years. He was extremely stubborn and determined. If he could not find anything to eat for a couple of years, he just ate nettles and turned green, but he never stopped practicing.

One evening Milarepa returned to his cave after gathering firewood, only to find it filled with demons. They were cooking his food, reading his books, sleeping in his bed. They had taken over the joint. He knew about non duality of self and other, but he still did not quite know how to get these guys out of his cave. Even though he had the sense that they were just a projection of his own mind - all the unwanted parts of himself - he did not know to get rid of them.

So, first he taught them the dharma. He sat on a seat that was higher than they were and said things to them about how we are all one. He talked about compassion and shunyata and how poison is medicine. Nothing happened. The demons were still there. Then he lost his patience and got very angry and ran at them. They just laughed at him. Finally, he gave up and just sat down on the floor, saying, “I am not going away and it looks like you are not either, so let us just live here together.“

And at that point, all of them left except one. Milarepa said, “Oh, this one is particularly vicious.“ (We all know that one. Sometimes we have lots of them like that. Sometimes we feel that is all we have got.) He did not know what to do, so he just surrendered himself even further. He walked over and put himself right into the mouth of the demon and said, “Just eat me up, if you want to.“ Then the demon left too. The moral of the story is, when the resistance is gone, so are the demons.

-“From Start Where You Are” by Pema Chodron (Shambala Publications)

The story is about fearlessness, courage, a willingness to be present and to open to what ever arises in our lives. To be curious (instead of fearful) about whatever comes up, and, actually to embrace it and get to know it intimately.

Our usual response to the demon is fear. (Unfortunately, modern demons are not easily instantly recognizable by their fangs and claws and bad smell.) They come in the more subtle forms... unwanted feeling, thought or circumstances. We want to get rid of them, so we resist them. There is an alternative approach, which can yield interesting results. It is, “Eat me. I am yours.“

When a demon, such as an unwanted emotion like craving, anger, depression etc. arises, instead of habitual response of acting it out or repressing it (methods of trying to rid ourselves of the uncomfortable feeling) we can just sit with the raw energy of the emotion, (the raw energy under the story line) and get to know it. Eventually, little by little, it begins to dissolve, so that when the resistance is gone, so is the demon.